In college, my classmates said: love to find their own love, marriage to find love themselves. I retorted that
At work, a colleague said: love to find their own love, marriage to find love themselves. I question…
When crying, a friend said: love to find their love, marriage to find love their own. I savoured
In today’s truth and falsehood, I know that there is so little that I can trust. Refutation, questioning, aftertaste, expectation, and even yearning gradually replaced the inner trust. Do not need material, just want to really love, but it is difficult.
The diary of an unmarried girl reminds me of questions about love and marriage. What kind of person to fall in love with and marry, the one who loves me or the one I love? This is a classic topic. Nowadays, more and more people believe that love and marriage are separated from the point of view: love is caring, weaving romantic lyrics, should find their own love; Marriage is caring, playing POTS and pans of the symphony of reality, should try to find love themselves. So, some people put forward the idea of the best of both worlds: love the person you love, marry the person who loves you. If a man loves a woman, the woman’s every move, every frown and smile in the eyes of men seem to be so beautiful, even if the woman is angry men also feel very happy. If a man loves a woman, he will be willing to do anything for her and will always consider a woman’s feelings. Women are made of water, is passive acceptance, even if the woman does not love the man, but as long as the man loves her, the woman will slowly be moved. So, is marriage based on love? Is marriage a continuation of love?
In a sense, you can be in a relationship with anyone, with or without feelings, and with whomever you are in a relationship you will enjoy and be abused. But you can only choose a person to marry, so marriage is not necessarily based on love, marriage, is not the continuation of love. Let’s start with a historical question. How does marriage come about? It should have originated from the patriarchal clan society in primitive society. Why does it happen? It is to protect the reproductive interests of men, but also to protect the quality of life of women and children. When the productive forces improved and the main means of subsistence of mankind changed from gathering, supplementary hunting, to planting and animal husbandry, private property began to appear, and the basic unit of labor changed from the clan collective into a small family, and the marriage system came into being. Thus, from the very beginning, marriage was accompanied by the concept of a community of interests. Common interests include the impact of property, family structure and reputation on each other’s quality of life, social status, the environment in which children grow up, and so on. With the progress of society and the higher the degree of civilization, the more closely the relationship between freedom of choice and marriage. And this “independent choice” contains two aspects, one is love, and the other is the interests of both sides. Therefore, marriage is far more complex than love, and the quality is mixed. A happy marriage can become the gas station of love, and an unhappy marriage can become the tomb of love. In this sense, marriage exists to make people better able to survive.
In the past, Chinese people’s basic concept of love is “husband and wife love” and “mutual help”. Our greatest love epic is the story of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl. He and her love to go back and forth, and also with the Queen Mother to fight, in the end what is it? It is “both husband and wife return home”. What do you do when you get home? It’s “You carry water and I water the garden.” The reverse is also true. Who do we hate most as a nation in this regard? It’s Shimei Chen. Why? Not because he committed the crime of deceiving the monarch, but because he violated the first basic principle of “one day a couple hundred days of kindness”, also violated the second basic principle of “living a family” (survival community supremacy), and also violated the third basic principle of “respecting each other as guests” (love is supreme). Finally, it is a violation of the fourth basic principle of “tiger poison does not eat children” (the supremacy of family affection). Therefore, in the past, we have always paid attention to the “grace and love”. Why is grace first and love last? Between husband and wife, what kind of grace? If a poor girl can find her husband’s family, it is equivalent to having a provider, so it is called “marry Han, marry Han, dress and eat”, and her husband is of course very grateful to her. On the other hand, if a woman is willing to marry a poor boy, give him a stable family life, children and regular sex, then how can he not be grateful? This is love. Subsequently, with such a love as the bond of the couple, how can not desperately maintain their own marriage and family?
With the entry of romantic love into Western culture, people’s ideas have changed greatly. When we compare “romantic love” with the Chinese “conjugal love”, we can see why we are troubled now. People are yearning for good things, the pursuit of the object of love, most people in the first time to pay feelings is wholeheartedly invested, then the feelings are the most impulsive and blind, but also the most true, the most unforgettable. At this time, only to find the person you love, rarely consider the reality of things, is a beautiful fairy tale. So love before marriage, I am afraid few people do not believe in “romantic love”. But the immaturity of this feeling, the pressure of the outside world, the change of the environment caused this feeling often a river of spring water, gone forever. After marriage, few people do not need “marital love”. As a result, our head into the colorful clouds, but the feet are still supported in the mud. This situation is not only one of the deep reasons for most of today’s marriage changes, marriage prison or mood changes, but also one of the reasons why some people are disillusioned with love and yearn for material things. In fact, many young people in order to escape this “romantic love” and “marital love” conflict, simply do not have both. Love is romantic, to be with the person you love, marriage is realistic, or bread is important, even if the other party is not his beloved, as long as there is a material basis, with the passage of time, it will accumulate a deep feelings and grow old. This also fully illustrates that marriage is the community of survival.
Many women always look forward to the future and find their life partner. At this time love is a flame, and people in love are moths. Some people successfully get out of the purgatory of love, and really think about whether they should find someone who loves them or find someone they love to marry: it is really a hard thing to find someone they love, and the result is often heartache, heart injury, and heart fatigue. Rather than so hard to find love, it is better to wait for the “love me” to chase themselves, because to find a love of their own people to marry more affordable, at least they will not be “hurt”, because women, need love and man’s care.
In this world, who can really understand themselves, who really ask themselves, what kind of person to be with? The one who loves me or the one I love? If you think of it that way, it’s a dilemma you can never solve, and the choice between one or the other can never be the right answer. One-way love is always unhappy – the giver of love may enjoy the taste of entrancing love, but will also be deeply desired, tossing and turning torture; Be loved may be a call, be regarded as a treasure, but can not really appreciate the sweetness of love. True love is only when the one I love loves me at the same time. In reality, the love of two people is difficult, but because of this, it is worth people’s faithfulness, persistence, and courage to wait and pursue!
